Too busy to take care of yourself?   Well, I’m just as neglectful as anyone else who has a family, job and other important responsibilities.  And the reward for putting everyone else’s needs before your own?  No, not martyrdom.  Not even a shiny medal.  Sometimes, not even a “thank you”.  The best way I can express how I feel if I’ve gone too long without feeding my spiritual side:  disconnect.

I don’t really need to go into how we get to this point of feeling disconnected from ourselves, our loved ones, our Source (or God, if you want).  We all have our own scenarios and excuses.  What we do share in common, I suspect, is the feeling of being separated from that (or those) that we think we’re trying so hard to help.  Just ask yourself this:  Have you ever spent your whole weekend doing for others, and instead of feeling fulfilled at the end, just feeling used up and grumpy?  Like your weekend got away from you?  Well, it wasn’t hijacked.  You gave it away.  Okay, at least I did.

So what’s the solution?  Well, it’s not that we cannot serve each other.  Serving others is a good thing.  It’s just that we need to stay spiritually juiced to do it.  And that takes effort and discipline.  We cannot neglect the 10-minute meditations or the 30-minute exercise or walk or whatever keeps us connected to our Source.  If we do, we have nothing of value to give others and just end up resenting the lost time we spend serving others’ needs.

Okay folks, I’m making a pledge to myself, and I invite you to join me with your own personal pledge.  I pledge to value myself and my spirit above all and to feed my spiritual side every day.  I will not start my day focused on others, but focused on myself and my Source.  I pledge to serve others every day from a place of spiritual wealth rather than spiritual poverty.  It’s the least I can do.  My family, friends, co-workers, strangers on the street all deserve a connected spiritual being rather than a shell of a being.

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

photos by: Theresa Holder

 “Perhaps, the most important thing we can do is

honor whatever season we’re in and not fight it.”  

I love this follow up comment from my recent post Seasons Change.  Fellow blog writer Sara  really gave the fighter in me something to think about here. 

After reading Sara’s comment, it struck me that while honoring the seasons is an excellent way to deal with the changes in the calendar, the temperature, the daylight hours, energy levels, etc., the concept of honoring can be used in a much wider arena.

You see, I tend to resist or fight changes that I don’t immediately see the value in.  The kink that change throws into the perceived steadiness of my life does not thrill me.

Accepting change, therefore, may require us to honor things we normally fight against.  Honoring a headache, for example.  What value is there in a headache?  (As a migraine sufferer, I’ve been trying to answer this question forever.) Well, maybe, just maybe, it’s our brain’s way of telling us to shut out the noise—that constant chattering that we allow to fill our minds. 

Perhaps pain of any kind is a reminder to us as humans that we have been given the gift of the human body and need to honor it as a gift. 

Hmmmm…should I then welcome or be happy with pain?  Gosh, no.  I’m all about quality of life.  This earthly visit is so short, I prefer to go through it as healthy and happy as possible. 

I’m merely suggesting that honoring what is (physical or otherwise)–respecting and allowing that some changes are just plain necessary–may be the first step in moving through those changes effortlessly. 

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

“When you have fear and do the thing anyway, you are holding on to the hand of God.”
(Edwene Gaines, The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity)

Wouldn’t it be freeing to be completely fearless?  Never feel the fear of trying new things, taking on new challenges.  I think I’d settle for just feeling less fear.  I’m okay with feeling just enough fear to know that I’m attempting something important, but not enough to scare the you-know-what out of me.

In all reality, I think there are very few of us who feel no fear.  But I’m sure there are plenty of us who feel the fear and do it anyway, to paraphrase Edwene Gaines.  And what gets us to hold our breath, close our eyes, take the leap and hope for the best?  Faith.  Simple and pure.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a faithful follower of any particular religion, I know that you have practiced holding the hand of some being greater than yourself.  Life requires it, lest we be held hostage under the covers of our bed 24/7.  Afterall, the news and the naysayers are always more than ready to remind us of the worst case scenario for any decision we are embarking upon.  What if this, that or the other calamity happens as a result of us taking the leap?

Do we know that when we buy our first car, it won’t be stolen or damaged?  Do we know for sure that it’s the perfectly right time to have a child and all the parenting skills we need will rise to the surface the minute we need them?  Do we know that the plane we are boarding will not crash in the ocean, the spouse we are marrying will not leave us, the new job we take will not disappoint us, and on and on and on.  Enough already!

It’s all too easy to let the fear stop us from playing big.  But you know that you can’t win

big if you don’t play big.  No Olympic athlete ever won the high dive competition by staying on the ground.  So how does one get to the edge of the 30-foot platform, on tippy toes (sometimes even the handstand thing…scares me just to watch them) and push off?  You got it…holding the hand of God or Spirit or Buddha or….you know what I mean…faith.

There will never be a guarantee that feeling the fear and taking the leap anyway will result in the best case scenario, but for me staying stagnant and letting the fear keep me from living is my worst case scenario.  And just by working through the fear once, we have a basis for hoping for the best next time around.

Believe me, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had let all of my fears keep me from living.  I wouldn’t speak Spanish if I hadn’t taken the leap and moved to South America for two years.  I wouldn’t have my lovely teenage daughter if I had waited for just the right time to have a baby.  I wouldn’t  have my funny, loving husband if I had let my previous divorce define me as a failure at marriage.  I wouldn’t work in my current career if I had been too afraid to go back to school at age 30.  I wouldn’t enjoy my home if I had been too afraid to invest in the real estate market.  (I did invest in the dot.com stock market in 2001 and lost it all…I survived).

My point is that for every risk that doesn’t pan out the way you had hoped, you can probably find evidence of many that did.  Focus on those as your source of faith-building.  For every “what if it doesn’t work out?”, there’s a “what if it does?”  If given the choice of two possible outcomes, positive or negative, why not choose to focus on the positive possibilities?

I invite you make a list of risks you’ve taken in the past that required you working through some fear.  Did you survive them?  Did you learn something from them?  Have they made you who you are today?  Keep this list handy and refer to it the next time you are afraid to do something your heart is calling you to do.  You don’t have to be fearless to fear less. 

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

When was the last time you actively practiced courage?  Personally, I’m afraid that I can’t remember.   I mean, I try to be brave if the occasion requires it, but I actually don’t look to put myself into situations that will actively call for this.  Seriously, at my age, navigating the subway in Manhattan felt brave.

Well, I have just spent the week with my newly arrived international college students.  You see, by day I’m an English language teacher (by night, cool blogger).  This semester I have 17 students from 11 different countries.  I know what you’re thinking: “How awesome is that job.”  I agree.

At the beginning of each semester, I always enjoy the fresh blood and cultural diversity and am one of the lucky ones that looks forward to the start of school.  But I have to say that this week, I not only felt lucky, but inspired.

Afterall, when was the last time that any of us decided to leave our homeland, travel half-way around the world to an unfamiliar country and begin a college program in a language that we either didn’t know at all or could just get by in?  That’s what these amazing young people are all doing.  They’ve set these incredible linguistic and academic goals for themselves, left behind their familiar lives, paid their tuition and got on that plane. And no one told them they had to.  They just decided that they would take on this courageous adventure and see if they could mold a better future for themselves via this path.

Again, I ask you, I ask myself, when is the last time we/I not only stepped out of our comfort zone in any significant way, but flew out of it and landed in what probably seems like the twilight zone?  Okay, maybe such a life change is not for everyone, but I’m sure that there are challenges that call to each of us to step out of our comfort zones and act courageously.

I salute these students and find inspiration in their courage to actively seek their unknown future, to take on a new culture, new country, new language, new life path.   Practicing courage…what a great idea.   Again, a case of the students teaching the teacher.

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

[ photo by Lynn Nagel; poem by Lori Havrilla]

Living Deeply

Shall we live deeply
without drowning, without losing
ourselves in the dark, merky waters
of that which is our soul?

Shall we go to that place
which calls to each of us
when we take the time to close
our eyes, take a breath
and listen to the silence?

Do we dare to jump
off the cliff,
to dive, arms outstretched
heart forward, mind silent
and stilled, frozen in time?

Is it forward or backwards we go,
newly discovering or returning
to our destiny,
our hearts,
the depths of what we know
but have forgotten?

Does the depth have a bottom,
a net to catch us,
a hand to grab hold of,
or are we alone on this journey
of exploring the deep?

 Shall we live deeply
without drowning, without losing
ourselves in the dark, merky waters
of that which is our soul?

Note:  This poem was inspired by my good friend Lynn Nagel’s photo of a whale off the coast of Cape Cod.  While I’m not a photographer, I appreciate good pictures so very much.  Thanks for the inspiration soul sista.

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

Ordinary men hate solitude.
But the Master makes use of it,
embracing his aloneness, realizing
he is one with the whole universe.

(Tao Te Ching, 42nd verse)

Yes, I’m on a bit of a Tao roll, so bear with me.  I carry the pocket edition of the Tao Te Ching in my purse at all times. I don’t read it every day (although I think that was the original intent when I purchased it), but I like knowing it’s there. Whether I need a quick spiritual infusion or am sitting in some waiting room with nothing to read, it’s good company. For fun, I like to  just fish it out (as soon as I can locate it in that cavern I call a handbag) and randomly open it to whatever page and verse my finger lands upon.

Today I landed on the above quote and  now humbly admit to you that…that…I’m ordinary.  There, I admitted it. As much as I want to be extraordinary and the master of my universe, I’m mostly ordinarily human when it comes to being comfortable with my aloneness.

I’ve always thought of it as a gift that I’m a people person. Talking, sharing and being with others has always been quite easy for me and pretty joyous most of the time. The flip side of that, however, being that I’m sometimes more at ease in the company of other people than I am with my own solitude. In fact, I often feel a little sorry for myself if I have no one to spend time with or want to do an activity but can’t find a buddy to make it a twosome.

So how can we learn to embrace this aloneness, to make use of it as the Tao Te Ching suggests? A good start is by taking the time to sit quietly, meditate and feel your oneness with the universe. Sounds deep and a little airy-fairy? Well, here are some more concrete suggestions.

Rise and shine! In order to start your day in a more grounded way, get up a little extra early. Find a quiet place in your home or outside and sit and meditate for 20 minutes. You can either set an intention to meditate upon, or leave it open. Sometimes my morning meditation is as simple as me sitting in the patio, cup of hot coffee in my hands, iPod playing peaceful sounds. (I could tell you that the coffee is for the aroma therapy aspect of my meditation, but truth is I’m just a morning coffee person). Just taking that short time to center yourself in the morning will start your day off better.

Hate eating lunch alone?  Don’t skip it or have a working meal (you know, inhaling food while checking your email at your desk). Try a new, cool dining experience. Make a lunch date with yourself. Sit at a table, read a good book, eat slowly and deliberately and enjoy every bite and minute with your favorite lunch companion–yourself. Contrary to your biggest fear, no one is actually looking at you and wondering why you’re eating alone.

No one to play with after work or during your free time? Take yourself on a playdate. Kindly escort yourself to the park, beach, gym, movies, wherever you enjoy spending time. See where your mind and spirit will go when you let them play and not have to keep company and make conversation at the same time.

I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t put on this earth to be ordinary or live an ordinary life. What about you? That’s what I thought. So let’s make a decision right here and right now to be extraordinary beings. Let’s each embrace that place within ourselves that we can only access and know in the solitary moments of our lives. Let’s not run away from our solitude, but rather run with it.

Life is good! Life is extraordinary! Namaste. –Lori

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. “

Lao-tsu, Tao Te Ching

Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)

If you enjoy weaving dreams and setting goals and then find yourself not knowing where to start, join the club. 

Taking the first step towards realizing your goals is not that easy. Knowing where to start can be downright paralyzing.  Especially if your goals are lofty, which I highly recommend.   (Afterall, what fun is there in chasing a dream that is too easily caught?  Sounds like a case of setting low expectations to me.)

Starting with baby steps sounds like good advice unless you’re like me, and you’ve forgotten how to be a baby.  So allow me to provide a few examples.  While the sample goals below are not meant for children, the steps towards making them come true can provide for a lot of childlike amusement.

Let’s say you’ve always dreamed of getting a tattoo but are afraid of taking the leap (there are more than enough folks to talk you out of this “crazy idea”, right?), get a henna tattoo.  Find a little salon that does that cool eyebrow threading thing and inquire whether they can turn you  into an Indian prince or princess with henna designs that will fade in a couple of weeks.  Good way to test it out.  See if you even like it yourself before going for the permanent ink. Watch the tattoo reality shows.  Check out tattoo designs online and research parlors with good reviews.  The next time you see someone with a tattoo, ask them about it and tell them that you are going to get one soon.

Ever wanted to go to Hawaii?  Start dressing in Hawaiian prints and wearing those beautiful flower leis they sell at party supply stores.  Dress as if you’re already an island dweller.  Keep a 12-month Hawaii calendar in your kitchen.  Flip to a different island each month.  Swim with the sea turtles as you pencil in your weekly appointments.  Buy some Kona coffee at the supermarket.  Put pineapple chunks in your salad.  Start living as if you’re in Hawaii and let the universe know that you’re serious about your dream.

Harboring a secret fantasy to be able to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata on a baby grand, but don’t have the piano or the musical training?  Get a cheap electric keyboard or used piano at a garage sale and a piano for beginners instruction book.  Schedule in your private lessons with yourself or, better yet, treat yourself to a professional lesson or two.  Hang out in piano stores and sit at the baby grands, pretending your in the market to buy (which you are, though maybe not just today).  Download classical music on your iPod, close your eyes and move your fingers up and down your air piano while you listen. (Air pianos are just as cool as air guitars.  Don’t let anyone tell you any different.)  Find a cool artsy poster of a piano player and hang it in your room.  Wear some jewelry with piano keys and music notes on them. 

 
These are just a few ideas.  I’m not saying they should be your dreams or goals.  I’m not saying they’re my dreams or goals.  (Then again, I didn’t say they weren’t.)  It doesn’t matter.  You have your own dreams and deserve to have them come true.  Let me say that again.  No matter how big or small your dreams are, you absolutely deserve to have them come true.  Start living life on the dream path.  Put one foot in front of the other and take that baby step.

So what are your dreams?  What baby steps can you manage to take on the road to fulfillment?  I guarantee that the road definitely gets shorter once you start walking it.

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

Did you ever flow through your day and think, “This is good. Life is good. I’m good.” – only to have one little miniscule everyday life event mess it all up? (Oh please let me not be the only one.)

Yesterday was that day for me. The morning (my special, intention-setting, alone time) was bliss. Work was more like play. Yoga class was downright spiritual. My angelic teenager (who knew those two words could go together?) was super loving and appreciative of her dear old mom. Life was good (as I always say in my closing).

So why was it that I checked that last email late in the evening? Oh yeah. I was waiting for news and hoping it would be good. I only checked to confirm what I wanted to hear. But, alas, it was what it was. And before my conscious mind had a chance to process the news and rationally put it in it’s place, disappointment grabbed hold of me like a scared child wrapped around her mommy’s leg. Without even knowing it really, I had turned my in-love-with-my-life mood into nobody-in-my-house-can-do-anything-right within a matter of minutes.

I swear, before I even saw that black cloud cover my light, I found that my angelic daughter hadn’t done the dishes yet. My husband hadn’t dried the laundry which he washed three days prior. And the poor cat was being uncharacteristically unaffectionate (I’m thinking her animal instincts told her to stay away from the grumpy human).

Simply put, I needed a time-out.  Problem was that I didn’t know it at the time.  It wasn’t until I had made everyone around me miserable, too, that I realized what was happening.  Yes, I fell off the positively positive wagon once again, and I even took a couple of others down with me for a while. 

How to recuperate after the fall?  Well, I just caught myself as soon as possible.  Made my apologies.  Asked for forgiveness.  Forgave myself.  And tried to get right back up on the positivity wagon.  Hopefully, next time I will catch myself just that much sooner, or at the very least, take the fall on my own and leave the innocent bystanders alone.

Today’s a new day. It’s a good day. Life is good!

Namaste. –Lori

Remember how your mama used to tell you, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”?  Well, I’m ready to hold my tongue…literally.  Yes, I just may need to grab it with my index finger and thumb and walk around like that all day long.  No whispering, no mumbling, no nothing.  I just need to shut up.

Since reading Edwene Gaines’ The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, I’ve been trying very hard to eliminate negative thoughts and comments from my daily conversation.  Ms. Gaines challenges her followers to try a 21-day fast from gossip, criticism, judgment…even sarcasm.

While I have no doubts that cutting out negativity from my thoughts and words will free me up to be more creative and attract more positive people and situations into my life, I’m stuck on the actual follow through.  Sadly so, I can barely make it through a whole day without a slip.

I’m not planning to give up, though.  There’s already a much shorter turnaround time between my untamed tongue and my I-can’t-believe-I-just-said-that realization.  And I do keep coming up with new strategies to try out (I might be kidding about the actual hold-the-tongue thing).  But it is getting a little frustrating to not be able to make it 24 hours without a slip. How will I ever string together 21 days in a row?

That brings me to plan P: Positively Positive.  Going forward, I will not use the terms Negative, Negativity Diet, Fast From Negativity, Eliminating Negativity, etc.  After all, how will I ever evolve into the powerfully positive woman I desire to be while focusing on the opposite attribute?  I won’t.  I’ll get exactly what I’m putting out into the universe.

Starting now (listen up Universe), I am a powerfully positive woman who brings joy and peace wherever I go.  That’s my mantra and I’m sticking to it.  If you’re inclined to disagree or critique, remember what your mama taught you.

Life is good!  Namaste.  –Lori

Every morning, I get up extra early, reread that chapter in her book and try to set my intention to fast from negative comments or thoughts. So far, I’m lucky if I last until noon. Then I get up the next day and try to hold my sarcastic tongue, curb my critical thoughts just a little longer.

Unlike other diets, there aren’t a lot of support groups out there to help you.  Why not?  Well, quite simply, it’s a very human tendency to bond by bitching.  And when in a group, be it family, coworkers or friends, I fall prey to that tendency as well…quite easily, I’m  embarrassed to admit.

So I think this is one spiritual challenge that I’m going to have to form a committee of one for my support. I’m hoping that if I keep setting my intention in the morning as soon as I wake up, I will eventually find that I’ve kept that intention alive until evening when I go to bed. I know that once I get through one full day, stringing several days of negative-free thinking and talking will be attainable. And the report to the committee will be glowing with praise for the committee member: me.

Life is good! Namaste.  –Lori